Fear

There are many kinds of fear that one can experience, some even to the point of being phobic. But some people don't even know that they are afraid. They live in oblivion and denial of their own cocoon of fear, and they never emerge from it.

I know a guy.. he's afraid to let anyone into his life. He closes himself to anyone who tries to ask him personal questions. He deflects any personal question with a joke, and what's worse is that, he doesn't even do it gracefully. It comes out weird and gives people the impression that he's insincere. Which he is, actually.

Anyway, I believe that his main problem is that he can't accept himself for who he is. I personally think that he's a sensitive guy, probably too sensitive. And perhaps when he was young, showing too much sensitivity probably got himself laughed at, people turned it into a joke. And of course, being sensitive, he couldn't take it. Which turned him into who he is today, someone who comes across as insensitive and just plain weird. Sigh, it's really sad isn't it? Being unable to hook up with anyone because he can't accept himself.. When you can't accept your own qualities, be they good or flawed, you can never improve.

The worst thing is, he's so easy to read, even though he tries so hard to hide it. Some people are impossible to read, you just don't know who they are inside. But it's different with him, he's like an open book. And who is he? He's many things, but at this point in time, he's first and foremost a desperate guy. Who desperately wants to hook up with a girl, who desperately wants to get married, so he can move on with his life like any normal person his age. Unfortunately, his insincerity is choking him up and making him seem shallow. Honestly, I've never met anyone who's still in this rut at age 29. Anyway, wish him the best.. hehe.. hope he gets out of his rut soon.. :)